an online video; an interview on an a sa victim, sharing her story.. her story of course, being hard to hear and absolutely disheartening. topics covering her experience of sa starting at the age of 4, being sold by her mother and then her ptsd from being deployed to Afghanistan and seeing children die… The comments majority being along the lines of “she’s such a natural beauty.” Coming from an audience of mostly women. this drove me to write about it. We as a society are so sick. I cant even fathom sometimes the amount brainwashing we are under when I see things like this. We are broken as women. Everything is about being the best and most unique and its draining the minds of intelligent,

Creative women. When you are unconsciously forced to worry about your looks and youre constantly comparing yourself, it no doubt takes so much mental energy that could otherwise be used for so much more of their desires and thoughts. I’ve watched incredible women in my life lose sight of reality by staring at the mirror too long. ive lost myself to the mirror so many times. I’ve broken down about my looks, it’s taken years off my life. ive spent too long worrying about my appearance and it was because of ultimately wanting to be the best for my partner... How criminally insane that is. I cannot even explain the time I’ve lost to trying to look the best and formulate a wardrobe to focus my assets into the outside world. So embarrassing to admit. And it stemmed from comparison. I will never forget nor return to that phase of my life. It was heartbreaking and it’s so hard to think back on. I  would research every possible surgery to get to make myself look 'correct.' I’ve changed a hudnred times and washed my face over a dozen times before deciding to go outside. It’s normal in our world, but it’s not okay. I don’t ever want my nieces or my possible future daughter to experience that. I don’t want my girl friends to ever experience that. even thoguh we all do and maybe always will. its naive to ask but... will this ever change? I doubt it. how can it change without disrupting the idea of girls can do whatever they want with their bodies. That’s where part of the conundrum lies here. We’ve come so far with the idea of expressing ourselves any way we want, and not for men blah blah. But if not for men then its for validation from someone. Yes sure from ourselves and to be happy with our appearance but thats rooted elsewhere within the needing of validation from someone else, whether we can admit it or not. And we have to get ourselves to admit it to move forward with a life free of comparison and a content with ourselves. That is the ideal state for a secure and sound soul. although It will never happen and I will continue to lose time with the mirror, just as every other poor soul like me.